I don't have the kind of time I wish I had to devote to sharing my thoughts and feelings. Yet if I really think about out it, I'm busy with the most important things in the world so I better not stay on here too long!
First of all David had surgery yesterday. We finally had them fix David's tear duct. It had been causing chronic infections in his eye. (He has no spleen so he's super prone to infections.) Another complication arose when he developed an ulcer in his cornea. They said it was cause either by bacteria (infection) or by him scratching/poking and injuring his eye. The cornea specialist really thought he had some how poked it. Unfortunately it perforated all the way through his cornea and caused fluid to leak out of David's eye. It also created a path for infection to travel into his eyeball as well as throwing off the pressures of the eye, thus distorting his vision and in bad cases causing blindness. Needless to say he needed the hole patched with new cornea tissue. He had that done at the same time as the tear duct surgery. Two different surgeons were good enough to coordinate their schedules and go to Cook Children's. David was able to be put under by a Cardiatric anesthesiologist only once for the two procedures.
David did really well. He had a brief spell of SVT while waking up, but during the surgery his blood pressure was good as well as his heart rhythm. Such a huge blessing! David had to use oxygen for an hour and a half after the surgery but his natural oxygen level picked back up and we were able to take him home about two hours after the surgery was complete. He had the cutes huge patch on his eye. He was all swollen and groggy,
That day he slept from 7am till 7 pm! When he finally really woke up he did the sign for play. I sat him in front of his play computer and he went to town pushing buttons. He played for about 30 min, smiling and even laughing a few times. Then he fell back to sleep and slept all night long.
Today we went to Dallas for an 8:15 appointment. He got his patch removed and I was instructed on the eye drops and cream I need to apply 8x a day and at bed time. We were also told not to let David rub his eye. We've been watching him like hawks and keeping his no no's on him. Tonight and for the next few weeks at night, we will have to tape a patch on his eye.
Things I've learned....
David has the sweetest temperament ever! Yes he screams when they look at his eye and yes he screams as they check his blood pressure, listen to his his heart etc!!!! But when I place those no no's on him (they are braces that make it so he can't bend his arms at all) he just look sat me and then at them and handles it like a champ! No crying or frustration noticed yet! He also is sooo good at getting his eye drops. He whimpers a little when he sees me pull them out but lays back for me. I hold open his eye, pop one in and he is totally back to normal, even when he knows 10 min later it will be time for the 2nd type of drop. He wants me to hold him all day, but I can handle that!
One of the sweetest things I hope no one experiences is when your little 17mth old wakes up from anesthesia and as you see him twisting in the hospital bed you hear him call "Mama? Mama?." My heart just burst with love for my little guy and I scooped him up and held him close.
I also learned that David gained 2lbs this month!!! YEAH! I've been adding almond butter regularly to his blender food. Guess it's working!
Andy is the only one on earth that I want to walk with me through all this stuff. He is my perfect match. He listens with love and manages to keep me grounded at the same time. He knows I get chatty when I'm nervous and he's always ready to hold my hand. He is also great at reminding me of any questions I forgot to ask the doctors that I've been bouncing off of him. It's a remarkable balance. Andy is so good at seeing people for what they are. He can tell if they have David's genuine interest at heart and is good at knowing who to trust with our sons care. I study my head off and ask tons of questions, he listens carefully and through his faith is God and our chosen physicians he keeps me from taking all the statistics to heart.
I have the best mom! My mom came this past week. I'm embarrassed to admit that she did around 12 loads of laundry, cleaned my bathroom (always the last on my list), swept, vacuumed, picked up, and made t-shirts with my kids. She made a library trip, cooked, and helped my kids with their homeschooling. She also babysat my big kids through all the optimology appointments, the 3 hour pre-op apt.,and through David's surgery. Thank you Mom! Thank you is not near enough!
Next Chapter...Less than two weeks till I have this baby girl! With Luke I had already had him by now! All I can say is this baby feels huge! Maybe it's cause she is measuring 2 weeks big (even David at 8lbs 14oz always measured right on!) Maybe it's cause not only is there an 8lb baby in me but I carry around a 24lb baby all day too! Or Maybe It's cause this is baby #6 and I have ALOT more aches and pains this time around.
I am carrying her posterior. Hopefully she'll turn but honestly she feels really lodged in odd. I hope things go well with delivery this time around. I wonder if I'm the only one who when delivery draws near starts to really freak out! This has to come out!!! I have even gone so far as to write goodbye letters to my kids and husband in case I die! I know huh!!
One thing is that I really want to have this baby naturally, like I have 4 of my others. I feel like it will be easiest on my body and on the baby. My sweet tenderhearted husband on the other hand feels that he can't bare to see me in that kind pain again "lip trembling and shaking with pain." I was hoping to labor in the tub like I did with David and actually try laboring with my bag of water intact (hearing that helps take the edge off a little.) Andy says he just doesn't feel good about me going natural this time. Of course that has me even more panicked about the up-coming birth and the what if's.
We haven't figured out what is quite right yet. I feel so strongly about my natural births but I can't (especially after watching David in so much pain and knowing the awful helpless and pain filled feeling it gives) ignore my husbands feelings. I never want to put him through that again. For now we have said we'll listen to how we feel when the time comes and trust in Heavenly Father to show us the right balance and a safe way to have our baby girl.
As for me I feel surprised by the amount of processing I've had to do to lead up to this birth. David's birth went so perfectly but the aftermath was really traumatic. We rushed from birth to life and death situations and I didn't really have time to process the pain of having him taken from me or being left in a room alone, without baby, husband, nurses, anybody. I just sat alone, wondering when or if I'd see my baby again. No movements inside no hand to hold. Thankfully God held the pain for me till I'd have time to process it. I was wrapped in peace for the most part. I just didn't realise the pain would flood back as I prepare to go to the same hospital and deliver again.
I'm so grateful for God's mercy and love, and I'm praying for the peace I know he can give me as I get closer to baby girls birth.
He is crawling on hands and knees!!
He even helps the boys empty the dishwasher!!
..and he tries to climb in!
Caleb tries to help him walk! He has cruised along the sofa and let go with one hand when standing by it. We are loving all the milestones..even finding him digging in the trash!
