David is such a joy to me. He reminds me each day that life is wonderful, as I try to view things as he sees them and enjoy each wonderful experience life has offered him. Thinking back on his journey I see how easy it would be for him not to smile, to shut down when things get loud, he's touched or worked with. He's my hero. He has been through so much but chooses to smile.
When he first came home he'd cringe when we touched his feet, he'd cry when he was jostled by his adoring siblings. He'd jurk away if I tried to hold him close. It's been an amazing, albeit painful experience watching him learn to trust and try. If he's in his bouncer and the kids are overwhelming him he'll crain his neck around till he finds me. I'll look over and he'll be giving me this "save me mom" look. As soon as I take steps towards him he calms down. I can kiss all over his feet and belly without him startling or crying. In fact he now kicks and coos. He hated baths and water at first but now loves them.
There are still times when I see he needs reassurance. When I work to feed him I can tell he hates it. I can tell a part of him wants to cry. He looks up at me with his big, deep, soulful eyes and looks for reassurance. "It's ok" I tell him. "Just try." With a somewhat disgusted look on his face he'll take a few little bites or lick around the bottle nipple. It's been such a learning experience. I try to read his cues. How much pushing is too much and will push him back into the safe shut down place he has used to cope. How much guiding does he need to help him try the things he's grown accustomed to living with out.
David is amazing. He brings a warmth, a strength and a deeper perspective on life. The other children feel it too. We had a family home evening lesson the other night. Andy taught about families. During one point Andy asked each child why they thought Heavenly Father wanted them to be David's big brother or sister. The Spirit came so strongly as each of them talked about how much they love David and how God knew they would love him and take care of him. They cheer for him and play with him. They keep him company when "he's lonely" (as Anthony calls it). Jentrey is the queen of washing out medicine syringes. It's her favorite chore, she says. Luke and David have become amazing buddies as Luke trots his little Lego men all over David. Caleb can just walk by and David will start smiling and cooing, trying to make him come play!
It is hard at times. Luke has gone through phases of shouting "not two babies!" when I try to rock both him and David. Jentrey has made the comment "It's hard to have a sick baby." I am grateful that they know it's good to share their feelings with me. We have been very open with them through everything and as much as I wish I could've guarded them from the unnecessary worry and heart ache, seeing as things have works out so miraculously, I feel the strength they've gained through this journey as well. There is a purpose David has his special needs, if we were not to experience all these things then David would've been healed. We had so may praying and pleading I know the faith was enough. This is how it's supposed to be and we are learning new things each day from it. Some very painful things and some things that are so much sweeter than we've ever imagined. These past 9 months have been the most memorable of my life.
David and his favorite foot! : )
His sweet content look.
His "I'm full and happy" face!
Sweet playful eyes!
He loves his chick!
I call this his "I know more than you'll ever realize" look.
Chillin with that foot again.
Sleepy boy!
Laying on the blanket I had as a kid.
Scars healing and pacemaker seeming smaller.
He's getting so big!
